just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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