God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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