That's intense
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
