you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
