i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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