I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
