he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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