Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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