is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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