she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
