broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
