so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
