Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you win again, gameday.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
