people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Randomize
