I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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