She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
