My friends, they love my intelligence
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
vagina is talking i cant
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
