Texts From Last Night

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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.

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  (507): As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September. http://tfl.nu/oogz
  Replies (19) Good night (4659) Bad night (649)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.

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  (740): the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best. http://tfl.nu/5k82
  Replies (25) Good night (7634) Bad night (1154)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"

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  (513): there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends" http://tfl.nu/u7q7
  Replies (27) Good night (6162) Bad night (861)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?

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  (360): Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me? http://tfl.nu/3uhh
  Replies (16) Good night (1144) Bad night (3600)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.

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  (859): Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours. http://tfl.nu/gzj7
  Replies (5) Good night (5000) Bad night (813)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.

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  (206): Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me. http://tfl.nu/s5ld
  Replies (8) Good night (3264) Bad night (1041)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs

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  (915): You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs http://tfl.nu/qhlh
  Replies (10) Good night (2464) Bad night (1515)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.

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  (727): It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together. http://tfl.nu/hikf
  Replies (30) Good night (919) Bad night (5060)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house

  (713): View more from Texas

  So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?

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  (832): The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house (713): So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh? http://tfl.nu/xori
  Replies (15) Good night (3835) Bad night (707)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"

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  (214): Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types" http://tfl.nu/3nt2
  Replies (4) Good night (469) Bad night (840)
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  (916): View more from California

  What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum

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  (916): What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum http://tfl.nu/f5r0
  Replies (7) Good night (685) Bad night (270)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.

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  (435): Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus. http://tfl.nu/v0t7
  Replies (6) Good night (438) Bad night (313)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.

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  (570): No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits. http://tfl.nu/elom
  Replies (2) Good night (456) Bad night (191)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch

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  (781): I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch http://tfl.nu/uy9o
  Replies (7) Good night (464) Bad night (212)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder

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  (205): You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder http://tfl.nu/hpcq
  Replies (2) Good night (387) Bad night (230)

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