drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH