her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
