pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we're so committed to being not committed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
