A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
