Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All the doctor said was why
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
