i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
