Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
