But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
