they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
