operation have a gay friend backfired
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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