Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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