What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
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Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
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You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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