in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
