Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
