my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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