Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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