the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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