So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
