Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I love having hate sex.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
