She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
