two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
