yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
