i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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