well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The power of my boobs compel you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
