Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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