I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
