You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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