What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
