Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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