Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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