Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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