just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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