I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
