I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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