I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
