There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
