six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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