she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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