Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
