I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
