I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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