So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
