he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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