i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
