their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
