I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sext me about skeletons
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
