we're blogging at a bar
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
