Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
