I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
