I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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