At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
