Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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