i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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