After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
