just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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