bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
