So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
