fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
